stupid rant

i have a drug problem, according to my parents, or atleast my dad. i rarely even smoke weed anymore, but no, i have a problem. a serious problem.

I'm in debt, big time. just got another ticket in NYC. fuck parking. oh right, i got "laid off", so wait, how am i gonna pay for it? sure, i've got $120 to throw around for a ticket, not to mention school's starting, so i gotta buy books, pay for classes, and since i'm dating again, there's shit load of money in that.

i started smoking agian. i hate it. i had quit for a nice, long time. felt great. smoking makes me smell, cough, keeps a bad taste... but id like nothing more than to light one up right now. fuck self control. fuck you.

ha, i'm raving about shit on the internet, this is good, lol. yeah, no one's around, my dad's finally let out all his fucking rage since my high school years (cuz he's really mellow otherwise), and i'm in a poor mindstate as it it, drinking every night just because its better than feeling sober, bouts of manic depression again, fucking pressure from finances and education that i really don't want to deal with this week, oh yes, my drug problem, and i'm telling all you strangers about it. see that helped, didn't it? no. fuck that. reply if you care, i don't. i need to kill some random people, violently and slowly. ha, i wish. way to start off my day.

Your parents are just looking out for your best interest. Mine did the same when I was younger!

What can I say? Life sucks and then you die. But frankly, your better off feeling bouts of maniac depression than drinking. All of your problems become a part of your deppression and the worst that happens is you feel like shit for the rest of the night and you don't feel so shitty the next morning. Then again, I've been living with a strong case of clinical depression since I was little, so I probably just handle things differently because I'm used to it.

Been through a decent chunk of that shit myself. No answers from me...just vent to somebody to keep your sanity. Financial shit is the worst. Was at my absolute worst in college, nothing like owing money to a dozen of your friends and family and trying to get by on $40 a month because every dime you borrow goes right to bills or payng somebody else off. Just realize it gets better once you get out on your own, outta school, out of your parent's realmn of control, etc. When you finally have a solid income, and can afford to do what makes you happy, etc. Then of course you get a whole new realm of problems...but at least it breaks up the monotony.

Vinny - it's not as bad as it seems. Money isn't real. You will finish school and get a job. SMILE. :)

thanks guys, all the mounting stress just got to me. i'm very laid back otherwise.

dude join the military and then you can kill legally...and pay for school!...okay I would be a horrible recruiter so what, wanna fight about it?

Damn man, hang in there. Like someone up there said just let it all out. Talking about everything will generally always help. It can be tough but its better outside than being held in.