need to move out

holy crap do i ever need to move out. i went to a boarding school for four years so i pretty much lived away from home for that time but now that i'm in university i'm living at home and it sucks. my freedome, although more than at boarding school, is significantly limited because of family, location, driving, that kind of thing. i have to drive about an hour to school and about 40 minutes back. i live far from everything, i always have to find a place to stay (i never have trouble finding a place but it's still annoying and doesn't really feel the best, unless it's that girl i hook up with who i can always get a room with). the other thing is my parents, i feel that i've grown alot as a person, and others have noticed it as well, since i began university and i feel that living with my parents is stunting my growth so to say. i feel like i can't be myself because i live at home and myself isn't something that my parents would like, and i don't want to create unwanted tension in the family until i move out.

also, my family is catholic, i recently decided i wasn't and i still have to go to church because i don't want to tell my fam that i don't believe in it anymore (again with the unwanted tension and having to live with my parents). it just pisses me off because i have to wake up early on sundays (usually mildly hungover and really tired from lack of sleep or drunken sleep) and go to this building where some guy tells me what i believe. i just think it's all bullshit and it's bugging me.

so next year i've got some friends from boarding school that want to get an appartment and i'll probably end up moving in with them. lots of people say that you shouldn't move in with your friends because you'll just get pissed at them and lose them as friends, but we've already lived together. we lived together before we became friends, so i don't think it'll be too tough to live together without all the stupid rules we had to deal with at the other school.

i guess one of the biggest upsides to the school i chose was that all the people from my old school that go there are good friends with me, some of most of them were in the dorm (two guys and a girl, girls dorm was separate though) and the other two were day students, who were great friends. so i've got alot of opportunity to move out i just need funding and a house. funding i'm hoping is going to come from ROTP (regular officer training plan) where the military pays for your university, then once you're done you spend time in the military as an officer. they'll pay for your books, tuition, and they give you $1200 per month in your first year (it goes up a bit every year after that) to pay for food and housing, or whatever else you want (satelite, internet, booze, kegs, parties, and whatever else).

if i don't get into the ROTP i have a good chance of getting a job in construction with a friend of mine's parents' construction business. it's $16/hr, 10hrs/day, 5 days/week. it's tough and it'll be exhausting if i'm rowing in the mornings and stuff but i think i'll enjoy it (well i'll hate it but i'll enjoy it afterwards) more than most other jobs. it's rewarding to build stuff and actually see the stuff you built go on to help others, which is one of the reasons why i'm in engineering. i'll probably make around $8,000 in that summer if i get that job so i'll be able to pay off my portion of tuition (my parents pay all but $4,000, which is about half) and i might get a $2,000 scholarship from my mom's employment so it'll be good.

also i forgot another thing about this, i'm on the university rowing team (junior varsity this year, varsity next year) and it's far from home. i have to wake up at 4am to make my 5am practice. this means that i lose sleep because i have to wake up so damned early. if i lived closer it'd be easier to get sleep and i wouldn't screw around as much in the first two months of school (after that we're done on the water and we move workouts to the evenings)

so anyways, that's my rant, just needed to get it in writting so that i could get it off my chest. it's been buggin me for a while and i've complained about it, i just needed to have one more long rant about it. i just really really hope i don't get stuck at home next year because i might kill myself.