Break up=Life has gone downhill

I'm having a horrible day. I have so many thoughts swimming through my mind right now I can't sleep. So I thought by writing it out might make me feel better.

My ex and I have known each other for 7 years and dated 5-6 years. We were in a long distacne relationship for 4 years (broken up for 2 years during that time) and she recently returned and we decided to give it antoher try. After she returned we've been dating for 6 months. Things were going okay, than the whole marriage thing came up. She wanted an exact engagement date/ marriage date, but I could not give it to her. Don't get me wrong, I loved my ex more than anything in this world and she knows I would never cheat on her. I've always treated her with respect and was always their for her emotionally and physically. My argument was I DID want to marry her soon (she new that), but after she had been gone for 4 years I needed a little more time to get to know her again. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but all in all i treated her well. She also knew that I was committed to her and was not going anywhere. Was I wrong for wanting a little more time? Well she didn't understand that, and kept insisting that we get married and it got to the point where I felt forced to marry her. We would get into fights b/c of this.

Shortly after this marriage discussion she breaks up with me. And she blamed everything on me. I told her that if it means breaking up than lets set a date b/c I knew I would marry her one day. SHe comes back my saying it's too late... i don't want to marry you anymore. WTF? But 5 DAYS after the break up I found out shes already started dating someone else. I can't believe shes arleady dating someone else. How could she have gotten over me so quickly? I don't undertand. I feel like the whole marriage argument was a scapegoat to break up so she can see this other guy. I also feel as though she emotinally cheated on me b/c I know she and the other guy were flirting before we broke up. after she broke up with me she also said she still loves me and that she does not know what's going to happen in the future. so she said she is leaving the door open. What the heck does that mean? i'm guessing that if it does not work out with this new guy she wants to come back. arrrrg!

I've always thought of myself as a very mentally strong person. I've always been able to work things out logically, and make sense of a situation. But now I feel this weird emptiness, like I've lost all direction. I feel as though life has just stopped and I dont know where it goes from this point on. Where does my life go from here? I never even imagined my life without her and 5 days after we broke up she's already found somebody else. I can understand how good it must feel when somebody is flirting with you, but if you truly love somebody I can't imagine acting on those feelings. So it makes me wonder did she ever TRULY love me?Is love such a fickle emotion that you can fall out of it in a matter of days? If she stopped loving me than maybe she never loved me to begin with.
I find that all of our memories and dreams that we had together are now haunting me. It makes it very difficult to let go of the person. So how do you let go of a perosn that you truly loved? Acceptance of the situation and trying to get closure has not helped much. What I've realized is no explanation she could give would make me truly understand and give me closure. Instead it would probably raise more questions and cast more doubts upon myself and in her. So how will I ever get that closure? Perhaps once the pain and resentment has subsided I will find closure within myself. Right now I just don't know... I'm mentally exhsauted and so confused.

i know how it feel...i can't really give u any advice since i am bad at this too...but just chill don't do anything stupid...go relax on the beach for a couple of day to cool ur head off, and let ur mind relax

She probably feels like she can just come and go with you as she pleases because she knows you will take her back. Ill bet when yall broke up before it was her idea and when yall got back together it was on her terms. She might love you but SHE obviously isnt the one who is ready to get married if she ran off and found something new 5 days later. Just relax, do something you enjoy doing with your new free time. Go work on your car or take over the world, just keep busy with things you enjoy. Things will stop bothering you as much after a little while, just give it some time. When all else fails drink a bottle of tequila, that will take your mind off of everything.

Grab your pair, get a grip, state exactly how it is, take what happens. Grow up. Stop whining.

I am not meaning to be insensitive, but you sound overly so.

I know how you feel to man- but give it some time and you should be alright. If you dated her for 5-6 years than it wil of course take more than a couple of weeks to get over her. It takes time. And I wouldn't do the tequila thing 'cause the way you're stressing you might develope a drinking prob. or something- J/K But no... seriously

thanks for the comments guys, but more than anything right now, I just feel so betrayed and hurt. I just don't understand how she could do this to me. I know everybody goes through this at least once in their lives, but I'm usure of how to handle it. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault. I have so many "what ifs" running through my head right now it's driving me CRAZY. My friends tell me, just stop thinking about it. If I could I would.

Its going to be hard to listen to what I am about to say, because you, obviously in love, want it to work out.

She sounds like the type that jumps into things without much thought. IMHO people don't change. Its over and you have to let her go. If she wants to get back together, just remember how she left you. She did it once, she would do it again in a heartbeat.

People don't change, people don't change...

Very difficult time right now, but what you definitly need to do is get your mind off of it, goto a strip club, unless you hate them like some other people on here, which is fine. Go do things that will take your mind off the world. She left you for another guy in 5 days when she was talking about marriage before she left ya? Not the right girl, I agree with what someone else said about she thinks of you as a fallback point. Just try to find another girl or in the mean time work on your car and do other fun things.

96 has the werd!!!!!!!!! Take his thoughts!!!!!!!!!

There are thousands of really decent eligible women out there. Now that she is gone, you can find someone who is truly worthwhile.
Sure break ups suck, but this shows you that she was not the one. Its better to find out now than after marriage when you are in divorce court.

I disagree. I also agree.

People don't change cause they can't (at least some people)

Also people change cause they want to. When there is no other way. Thats only when you because fed up with who you are or what you will be.


I'd also like to add that the standards women have for men have changed while the mens standards pretty much have stayed the same. I dont speak for everybody either.

TO put what I want to say in short,

I was in love once. Then I had my heart broken. I had no other choice but to make myself feel better. You are the only person who can make that decision. Notice I didn't say you have to get over it...cause you don't. More like putting it under control is what I perfer. JUst don't end up like some of those people who wants the world to end if things don't work out. Or those people who think nobody else can compare ever. Naturally your mind is going to want to go into desperation mode. But half of the things that you think of are never going to happen.

break up=hello mr. hand :grinyes:...it's good to get to know an old friend...j/k...i definetely think you shouldn't dwell anyways...because maybe while you're dwelling and being all depressed the girl of your dreams might come into your life and you won't even see it.... :twak:

Its going to be hard to listen to what I am about to say, because you, obviously in love, want it to work out.

She sounds like the type that jumps into things without much thought. IMHO people don't change. Its over and you have to let her go. If she wants to get back together, just remember how she left you. She did it once, she would do it again in a heartbeat.

People don't change, people don't change...

Yes she makes very impulsive decisions. I've tried to point this out to her, but I never thought she would use that sh!t on me. SHe's a type of person that has to experience somethng before she knows that she made the wrong decision. Then she expects me to bail her out of the situation.

At this point I've lost all trust in her and don't ever want her to come back. The problem is thats my head talking and my heart feels something else.

Yes she makes very impulsive decisions. I've tried to point this out to her, but I never thought she would use that sh!t on me. SHe's a type of person that has to experience somethng before she knows that she made the wrong decision. Then she expects me to bail her out of the situation.

At this point I've lost all trust in her and don't ever want her to come back. The problem is thats my head talking and my heart feels something else.

Well in this case, your head is right.

She left you for another guy in 5 days when she was talking about marriage before she left ya? Not the right girl, I agree with what someone else said about she thinks of you as a fallback point.

Yes she did start dating 5 days after we broke up. But why do I feel guilty like this break up is my fault?

Lets just go kick the guys ass even though he didnt do anything, just think about how much fun beating up your ex's boyfriend would be.

Yes she did start dating 5 days after we broke up. But why do I feel guilty like this break up is my fault?because you still feel it you could have done something to stop it. Natural feeling. One of the stages of grief.

The DABAP theory

The DABAP theory


What is "DABAP theory"

She comes from divorced parents and was wondering how this could have played into her impulsive and selfish decision making. Would you guys have any insight on how divorced parents can effect their child when grown up?

Well I've taken everything down that reminds of her, took her number off my cell. Am I missing anything else that would help me get through this? Also any idea how long this pain will last?

it takes time to heal. It is not gone over night. go out, have fun, meet new people. Find a hot woman and flaunt her in front of your ex.

DABAP

Denial

Acceptance

Betrayal

Anger

Peace

Well I've taken everything down that reminds of her, took her number off my cell. Am I missing anything else that would help me get through this? Also any idea how long this pain will last?


I dated this girl seriously from May 2001 to May 2004. It took me until april of 2005 to not feel pain anymore.

However I have a friend who dated this girl for three months. 9 months later he is still nowhere near being over her.

Its different for everybody. I just told myself that I didn't want to hurt anymore and stuck with it. And dealt with situations that made it seem hard cause I knew that the next time would be easier. You just have to let it go. THe more you associate her with stuff the longer you will feel bad.

This reminds me of the time I created a thread like this.

I posted (not word for word) "...i'm in a situation where I have to swim to stay above water. Or I could let myself drown.."

you just gotta choose how fast you want to get back to shore or drown.

DABAP

Denial

Acceptance

Betrayal

Anger

Peace

Well I am definately at the betrayal and anger stage. I think I'm going to be here for a while even though I would like to move on.

I
Its different for everybody. I just told myself that I didn't want to hurt anymore and stuck with it. And dealt with situations that made it seem hard cause I knew that the next time would be easier.

How exactly do you deal with the situations that made it hard. For example how do you keep that perosn off your mind?

By the way I truly appreciate all of your guys advice.

Meeting another girl would help a lot. Right now you think that she is the only one for you in ways cause you've been with her so long. Go out and play the fields. If you find another girl you can connect with you will get over her in a heart beat. Staying at home and pondering on what you thought you should of done and what you didnt do will only make the pain worse. Keep yourself busy doing what you love and start looking for the next lucky lady.

I everything I could for a long as I could. As a result I got a litle richer and more f/g's. I did what I loved before I hooked up with her chat with everybody and make music.

What i seriously think is to go do something that drains out all of you anger and pretty much any feeling. Go buy a sledge hammer and beat the shite out of something.(preferably not something valuble). I always find detailing my car to be relaxing, focusing everything on getting that one little spot out.

Just some ideas on how to get your mind off of it.

BTW i've been in that same situation. or very close to that. I felt sick to my stomach everytime i thought about her. But i stuck it out and kept going on and eventually the emotional scars healed. So just hang in there

Meeting another girl would help a lot. Right now you think that she is the only one for you in ways cause you've been with her so long. Go out and play the fields. If you find another girl you can connect with you will get over her in a heart beat. Staying at home and pondering on what you thought you should of done and what you didnt do will only make the pain worse. Keep yourself busy doing what you love and start looking for the next lucky lady.


You know the thought of finding and playing the field right now makes me kind of nervous. It's been a while since I've had to look for someone new. Oh well, I guess I have to get back on the horse and do what I got to do. But yeah finding a new chick would help a lot right now.

What i seriously think is to go do something that drains out all of you anger and pretty much any feeling. Go buy a sledge hammer and beat the shite out of something.(preferably not something valuble). I always find detailing my car to be relaxing, focusing everything on getting that one little spot out.

Just some ideas on how to get your mind off of it.

BTW i've been in that same situation. or very close to that. I felt sick to my stomach everytime i thought about her. But i stuck it out and kept going on and eventually the emotional scars healed. So just hang in there

Yeah I work out 3-4 days week. It really take my mind off of it for at least an hour. Yeah I hate that sick to my stomach feeling. I wish it would just go away. I normally feel that when i wake up in the mornings.

Maybe she is just trying to make you jealous with the whole other guy thing. You should do the same thing back :evillol: ahahaa...j/k (you could if you want tho). Well maybe somethings up with her too i mean you two been going out that long so I dont think she totally forgot about you.

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear another break up story. Second of all, I think this is for the better, just based on the level of confidence you have in her. You've known her for years, I'm sure you aren't wrong about her. You may love her but she hurts you. You wouldn't hurt someone you love and you know it. Don't let yourself get trapped by a woman who won't treat you the way you want to be treated.

Also, I guarantee that the "other guy" is "you". In many ways. (or at least two, depending on how you look at it.) Think of this...

If you met a girl tonight, what would you want from her? You would want to hold her close, kiss her, look in her eyes, cuddle.... you would want to love her. You would be spending time with her but thinking of your ex. Do you think that your ex is actually respecting her new boyfriend for who he is? No way. He's you. And you're the preverbial "other guy" to him. (2 ways)

After my break up I didnt eat for a couple days, didnt sleep for a couple days either. Because I couldn't stand the thought of food, and I couldn't stop thinking of her while I was laying in bed. The only thing that helped was hobbies. Playing paintball, going to the beach, smoking weed (that helped a LOT), buying things I couldn't afford, working on my car, getting drunk, dancing with other girls.... etc. I recommend dancing with other girls but don't try to get involved. You'll hurt yourself by wishing that girl was you know who. Just dance, and when you go home you'll think "There ARE more fish in the sea. This will be over eventually." But it will hurt for way too long to care how long. Don't think about getting over it. Think about what you can do NOW. And don't let her run back to you. PLEASE don't. Because she will. It isn't right for her to do that to you, and it will never end. The only way she will learn, sadly, is when you never take her back, ever, and you force her to move on. In 10 years once she learned her lesson, I dont know. I don't have that much experience. But maybe it would work then, but for sure, you can't take her back now.

Also, I guarantee that the "other guy" is "you". In many ways. (or at least two, depending on how you look at it.) Think of this...

If you met a girl tonight, what would you want from her? You would want to hold her close, kiss her, look in her eyes, cuddle.... you would want to love her. You would be spending time with her but thinking of your ex. Do you think that your ex is actually respecting her new boyfriend for who he is? No way. He's you. And you're the preverbial "other guy" to him. (2 ways)
But maybe it would work then, but for sure, you can't take her back now.
:bigthumb:

:werd:

Trust me... Theres always another one out there an chances are alot better then the last. Just keep your eyes peeled an dont let the depression/loss get to you.

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear another break up story. Second of all, I think this is for the better, just based on the level of confidence you have in her. You've known her for years, I'm sure you aren't wrong about her. You may love her but she hurts you. You wouldn't hurt someone you love and you know it. Don't let yourself get trapped by a woman who won't treat you the way you want to be treated.

Think about what you can do NOW. And don't let her run back to you. PLEASE don't. Because she will. It isn't right for her to do that to you, and it will never end. The only way she will learn, sadly, is when you never take her back, ever, and you force her to move on. In 10 years once she learned her lesson, I dont know. I don't have that much experience. But maybe it would work then, but for sure, you can't take her back now.

Thanks for your comments. Yeah its true that I know her well. When we were together I could see all her flaws, but I accepted them. The funny thing is now that we are not together I've forgotten all the flaws. As for her running back to me I'm not so sure she would b/c obviously she didn't love me as much as I thought she did. Proof of that is dating some guy 5 days after we broke up. Even if she came back, my mind knows that it's not right, but I need to conivnce my heart to be on the same wavelength. To be honest with you, I've lost all trust in her. I don't want to always have that thought in the back of my head and worry about her picking up and leaving so easily especailly if we were married. Always having doubts in your mind is not a good way to live a life.

Its going to be hard to listen to what I am about to say, because you, obviously in love, want it to work out.

She sounds like the type that jumps into things without much thought. IMHO people don't change. Its over and you have to let her go. If she wants to get back together, just remember how she left you. She did it once, she would do it again in a heartbeat.

People don't change, people don't change...


Yup, move on dude. I personally wouldn't let a chick walk over me like that, no matter how much I love her, and if you were from around here you could ask my friends, I had a recent even pretty similar, she keeps saying how she misses me and wants to talk, I say fuck it you had your chance. Find someone better man, and in the mean time, g'luck and keep bangin, helps with the stress. :boink:



EDIT: I only read the first page, and I read your thread right above mine Teg 95, and I like this quote.

Always having doubts in your mind is not a good way to live a life.

Yup, move on dude. I personally wouldn't let a chick walk over me like that, no matter how much I love her, and if you were from around here you could ask my friends, I had a recent even pretty similar, she keeps saying how she misses me and wants to talk, I say fuck it you had your chance. Find someone better man, and in the mean time, g'luck and keep bangin, helps with the stress. :boink:



EDIT: I only read the first page, and I read your thread right above mine Teg 95, and I like this quote.

Thanks for the support. The funny thing is she is the one who is telling me I had my chance. She also said that the breakup is my fault and that I would have to live with the regret for the rest of my life. The frustrating thing is the last time we talked I told her lets get engaged and set a marriage date and she said NO! I don't understand why she rejected me that way if she TRULY wanted to marry me. Do you think she used the whole marriage issue as an excuse just to break up with me? Please give me your objective opinion on this guys/women.

The first mistake everyone makes after a break-up is hunting for another prey. You just got out of a serious relationship with someone who obviously hurt you, the only thing on your mind is to "get back" at them yet they most likely won't see the pain you are going to cause on the next victim. This in turns, develops another thought that you will never find another woman who can replace the one you lost because you feel as if the same actions will repeat themselves for ever. That is never true, you only have yourself to blame if you look for a rebound girl.
What you should do is accept the fact that it is over and your feelings, no matter how strong, will never be enough to make her feel the same way. Dwelling over the good things and greatest memories together are automatic after such occurances, but don't forget all the troubles and mishaps experienced as well. We all learn from experience, some more painful then others, just try and see where she went wrong...yes that's right, she made the mistake. Don't ever blame yourself for the actions of another, you cannot be held responsible for what others do, it is her loss not yours. Just because you feel down doesn't mean that you have to rip yourself apart, you are the same person when you felt happy, you are the same now.
Now onto her. don't know alot but tell me if most are true. She must have an issue with past relationships, ex's and parents. She never knew what love meant and because of that led you to beleiev that the love yu felt for her was the same as she did for you. What she thought was love wasn't and she can't grasp that, hence why she used this marriage ordeal as an excuse for her to still believe her definition of love is true.
Lastly, stop talking to her. She might go back on what she did and try smooth talking her way out of it. Remember, a person is not what they are during your last conversation...they have been the person you knew all along.

The first mistake everyone makes after a break-up is hunting for another prey. You just got out of a serious relationship with someone who obviously hurt you, the only thing on your mind is to "get back" at them yet they most likely won't see the pain you are going to cause on the next victim. This in turns, develops another thought that you will never find another woman who can replace the one you lost because you feel as if the same actions will repeat themselves for ever. That is never true, you only have yourself to blame if you look for a rebound girl.
What you should do is accept the fact that it is over and your feelings, no matter how strong, will never be enough to make her feel the same way. Dwelling over the good things and greatest memories together are automatic after such occurances, but don't forget all the troubles and mishaps experienced as well. We all learn from experience, some more painful then others, just try and see where she went wrong...yes that's right, she made the mistake. Don't ever blame yourself for the actions of another, you cannot be held responsible for what others do, it is her loss not yours. Just because you feel down doesn't mean that you have to rip yourself apart, you are the same person when you felt happy, you are the same now.
Now onto her. don't know alot but tell me if most are true. She must have an issue with past relationships, ex's and parents. She never knew what love meant and because of that led you to beleiev that the love yu felt for her was the same as she did for you. What she thought was love wasn't and she can't grasp that, hence why she used this marriage ordeal as an excuse for her to still believe her definition of love is true.
Lastly, stop talking to her. She might go back on what she did and try smooth talking her way out of it. Remember, a person is not what they are during your last conversation...they have been the person you knew all along.

To be honest with you, as nice as it would be to have another girl right now, I'm not looking. I'm looking to heal myself and get to an emotional point where I'm happy. I've accpeted the fact that it's over. I'm in the a regret/ anger stage right now and I'm trying to make sense of the situation.

You are right I shouldn't blame myself, but it's hard not to when the other person accepts no repsonibility for the break up. When I say no responsibility I literally mean it. Where she went wrong was getting emotionally attached to some other guy. That's the only reason I can think of her moving on so quickly. She basically emotionally cheated on me which in my book is worst than a physical affair.

As for her I don't know what love means to her anymore. True love is hard to find and I truly loved her. Maybe she didn't turly love me. Yes, she did have issues with parents. Her parents divorced when she was young and I know its something she doesn't like talking about. Do you think her divorced parents effects how she makes relationship decisions at a later age?

As for her I don't know what love means to her anymore. True love is hard to find and I truly loved her. Maybe she didn't turly love me. Yes, she did have issues with parents. Her parents divorced when she was young and I know its something she doesn't like talking about. Do you think her divorced parents effects how she makes relationship decisions at a later age?
Well if she is unwilling to take any responsibility for the break-up, which she is comepletly liable for, then neither should you. Hell she showed you she doesn't care when she went out with another guy 5 days after this. Your feeding into what she wants from you, she let you down, played with your feelings, and left off saying to keep her in mind in case she's ever bored again. Sorry to make her seem so evil but someties when you feel for a person so much, your willing to put their dark side to the side so you can get what you want.

I do believe that her parents relationship has effected her greatly. Think about it, everyone looks to their parents for relationship advice no matter what; when you just start dating someone, or how to make things better with someone you care about. Now how is she to appraoch a situation that she doesn't understand and has no one to go to? Basically I think she tackles relationship issues the same way any other issue. Emotionless. How do you think it would feel to "love" someone without feeling it, but just by thinking it? I'm no therapist of any means, nor do I have the answers to everything...but this is my opinion.

Teg,

You know her dating after only 5 days tells me that SHE is the one that is not DEALING. If she gets involved with someone else so quickly there is no way that she is dealing with any emotions. Doesn't mean that she isn't going to be dealing with them later. She's hiding from herself and her feelings. She probably feels like crap and can't deal with her emotions so she's going to jump on to the next person and deal with their stuff in order to avoid dealing with her own.

If I were in that situation with you, I would understand. Maybe feel a little insecure and need some extra reassurances from you, but would feel very valued. She has got to be the person that is very insecure.

It's very natural to question if everything that you had and have been through was ever real. I'm doing it myself. My spouse and I are separated and it sucks. You spend hours wondering if you were a fool and naive believing that everything was real when it was happening. Was there something that you should have seen that you missed.

You are right on the money to feel hurt and betrayed- physically and emotionally. You invested in this person and she rejected it. It's very real. You are going to feel for quite a while like you are living in a vacuum and you want the world to just stop for a minute so you can process everything.

What do you do? Personally, I have journaled out the ying-yang. Writing all of my rambling, obsessive/compulsive thoughts down in my journal to get them out of my head. If that doesn't work talk to someone. But if you keep it all in your head you are going to go absolutely crazy. Other things- exercise, clean, repair, build or destroy something.

The drinking thing, okay for some occassions when you just don't want to *think* anymore, or you are just plain tired of thinking, but overall just makes you sad and melancholy when you are drunk. Then you might do something really stupid like DWD- dial while drunk!! You certainly don't want to do that.

It doesn't sound like you are being some kind of soft wussy man like someone else said. On the other hand I feel you are to be admired for admitting you have real feelings instead of just ignoring them.

There were other thoughts that I had, but allow yourself some time to grieve. You have suffered a great loss, and time does heal, but there may be a part of your heart that always hurts.

I'm not too sure of her doing this "leaving the door open part". If her and this other guy don't work out and she comes back to you, well that will take you even longer than it would have for you to propose to accept and trust her. If she couldn't wait to begin with for the marriage and engagement thing, then I doubt that she would be patient enough to understand the time it would take for you to trust her again.

Turning to God has really helped me get through all of the hurt.

I hope this helps.

Remember, a person is not what they are during your last conversation...they have been the person you knew all along.__________________
Werd.

Remember, a person is not what they are during your last conversation...they have been the person you knew all along.__________________
Werd.

True that!

Teg,

You know her dating after only 5 days tells me that SHE is the one that is not DEALING. If she gets involved with someone else so quickly there is no way that she is dealing with any emotions. Doesn't mean that she isn't going to be dealing with them later. She's hiding from herself and her feelings. She probably feels like crap and can't deal with her emotions so she's going to jump on to the next person and deal with their stuff in order to avoid dealing with her own.

If I were in that situation with you, I would understand. Maybe feel a little insecure and need some extra reassurances from you, but would feel very valued. She has got to be the person that is very insecure.

It's very natural to question if everything that you had and have been through was ever real. I'm doing it myself. My spouse and I are separated and it sucks. You spend hours wondering if you were a fool and naive believing that everything was real when it was happening. Was there something that you should have seen that you missed.

You are right on the money to feel hurt and betrayed- physically and emotionally. You invested in this person and she rejected it. It's very real. You are going to feel for quite a while like you are living in a vacuum and you want the world to just stop for a minute so you can process everything.

What do you do? Personally, I have journaled out the ying-yang. Writing all of my rambling, obsessive/compulsive thoughts down in my journal to get them out of my head. If that doesn't work talk to someone. But if you keep it all in your head you are going to go absolutely crazy. Other things- exercise, clean, repair, build or destroy something.

The drinking thing, okay for some occassions when you just don't want to *think* anymore, or you are just plain tired of thinking, but overall just makes you sad and melancholy when you are drunk. Then you might do something really stupid like DWD- dial while drunk!! You certainly don't want to do that.

It doesn't sound like you are being some kind of soft wussy man like someone else said. On the other hand I feel you are to be admired for admitting you have real feelings instead of just ignoring them.

There were other thoughts that I had, but allow yourself some time to grieve. You have suffered a great loss, and time does heal, but there may be a part of your heart that always hurts.

I'm not too sure of her doing this "leaving the door open part". If her and this other guy don't work out and she comes back to you, well that will take you even longer than it would have for you to propose to accept and trust her. If she couldn't wait to begin with for the marriage and engagement thing, then I doubt that she would be patient enough to understand the time it would take for you to trust her again.

Turning to God has really helped me get through all of the hurt.

I hope this helps.

Doublecurious,

Let me start off by saying I'm very sorry you and your spouse are separated. I can imagine how difficult it must be. Please, if you ever need to vent or talk please feel free to PM me.

Also thank you for your post. I appreciate your point of view on the situation. What really hurts is that she no longer wants to get married and while I'm stuck in this funk she has already moved on. You are totally right when you say she's probably avoiding her feelings by going out with someone else. Wether or not she will have to deal with these feelings comes down to wether or not it works out with this new guy. IF this new guy turns out not to be the right one, she is in for a major fall. I belive that is why she gave me "lets keep the door open" line. I know what I need to do. I need to keep that door closed on my end, b/c if she does come back it will be for all the wrong reasons.

After a lot of thinking and putting some pieces of the puzzle together, it just shows how selfish she is. All she is thinking about is her own happiness and well being. It's sad to think that I can love someone like this.

Doublecurious,

Let me start off by saying I'm very sorry you and your spouse are separated. I can imagine how difficult it must be. Please, if you ever need to vent or talk please feel free to PM me.

Also thank you for your post. I appreciate your point of view on the situation. What really hurts is that she no longer wants to get married and while I'm stuck in this funk she has already moved on. You are totally right when you say she's probably avoiding her feelings by going out with someone else. Wether or not she will have to deal with these feelings comes down to wether or not it works out with this new guy. IF this new guy turns out not to be the right one, she is in for a major fall. I belive that is why she gave me "lets keep the door open" line. I know what I need to do. I need to keep that door closed on my end, b/c if she does come back it will be for all the wrong reasons.

After a lot of thinking and putting some pieces of the puzzle together, it just shows how selfish she is. All she is thinking about is her own happiness and well being. It's sad to think that I can love someone like this.

:werd:

All I gotta say is...what a bitch.

After much thought, I've come to the conclusion of she basically left me for someone who she feels is an upgrade. My guess was she was already mentally preparing herself to leave me while we were together, and she let herself get emotionally attached to someone else so the breakup would be easier. I feel like I should be further along in the healing process but I woke up miserable again today. I'm so frustrated with myself for not being stronger and moving on with my life instead of still pining for her.And to think, she is happy, liking someone new, it's painful. Friends and family tell me to just "move on and get over him" as if it's so simple to do, but I'm really struggling. I guess only time will heal me.

Thanks guys for all your advice, help, and support.

just keep your head up bro. bitches are sheisty. it aint your fault. It happens to the best of us.

Guaranteed shes gonna do the same shit to him in her quest for happiness but the real problem lies within herself, and she hasnt figured it out yet. You know who you are, and that's all you need to focus on. You can't block the pain, because IMHO you'll never get OVER it, but you can get past it. Keep your mind occupied, and treat yourself the way you would treat the perfect woman. (except for like, grabbing your own tits, just refrain from that). Time is all you got, and it aint on your side, so find other means to deal with it. Once again, I'm hella sorry about this. I been through some painful shit too. Be strong brotha!!

Hey guys, thanks for all the supportive advice. I've actually taken the advice and applied it, but I've run into a small problem. Since the ex and I have done so much together every where that I go always reminds me of her. How can I stop myself from thinking about her when I go out?

kick it wit otha bitches homie! That's the only way. Or get drunk and high.

Just don't go rebounding.

just keep your head up bro. bitches are sheisty. it aint your fault. Be strong brotha!!
:werd: (only b/c he had the balls to say it)

i dont think i've seen any other girls/women/bitches post in this thread, probably because the majority of posters are male, so i'm posting now.

there is nothing i can say that will make you feel better. that's up to you. i know what you're going through though, and it does get better. take the advice the rest of these guys have been giving you -- for the most part it's good advice. dont let her parading her new boy toy around town affect you. she is no longer a concern of yours. doublecurious was right when he said she's the one not dealing with it. (rick, too!) there is no way on the planet that i can imagine getting over a guy in 5 days after 5 YEARS of dating him! you're the better person in the situation because you're coping with it and, hopefully, learning from it. right now you need to occupy yourself with things that you can lose yourself with. working on your car, destroying something, working out, or aaaanything! i know those thoughts are still going to keep popping up in the back of your head but do all you can to shut them out. someone else said it's more of a matter of getting past the situation, not getting over it. i agree. you may never be totally over her, but that's okay. keep on truckin, man. things will get better. as far as rebound relationships go -- stay away. get your thoughts and emotions in order before you get others involved in them. good luck and take care.

oh and definitely kick it wit otha bitches. :devil: that will piss her off sooooooooo much especially if she's not dealing with the situation emotionally.

^ Thanks guys, I just had a moment of weakness. I know time will heal me, but hopefully it's sooner rather then later.

or u can do what jim carry did jk:P

or u can do what jim carry did jk:P
what did jim carry do?

UPDATE!!!

So I was out over the weekend and I get a call. I didn't recognize the number so I just let it go to voicemail. As I was driving home I realized it was the ex's number. Now I'm thinking why is she calling me, we haven't talked in 5 months. So I checked the vm and she said, she was thinking about me and wanted to see how I'm doing. And to call her back if I want to.

WTF? Why would she care how I'm doing? When we broke up she wanted nothing to do with me. And it's only been 5 months.

Do you guys think she has some underlying agenda with the phone call? I mean she is supposed to be dating someone else and should be in the honeymoon stage. I should be the last thing on her mind. Is she calling b/c she wants to be friends or do you think she wants me back?

she wants you back.... 100, no make that 1,000,000% guaranteed. You could hit it if you wanted. Then you could say some shit like...... "I just missed you so much I couldnt stop myself, but I know that it won't work so I regret having sex last night, we cant do this again."

BRO, I swear on my life if you did that you would get the best poon tang you ever got from her. She'll try so hard to change your mind. Then you can play mind games back on her, like she used to do to you. Get total payback.

and poon tang.






-Rick

UPDATE!!!

So I was out over the weekend and I get a call. I didn't recognize the number so I just let it go to voicemail. As I was driving home I realized it was the ex's number. Now I'm thinking why is she calling me, we haven't talked in 5 months. So I checked the vm and she said, she was thinking about me and wanted to see how I'm doing. And to call her back if I want to.

WTF? Why would she care how I'm doing? When we broke up she wanted nothing to do with me. And it's only been 5 months.

Do you guys think she has some underlying agenda with the phone call? I mean she is supposed to be someone else and should be in the honeymoon stage. I should be the last thing on her mind. Is she calling b/c she wants to be friends or do you think she wants me back?My guess is she's calling you because she wants you back, could be wrong tho. My ex, not the one I just broke up with but the one before, did exactly the same thing to me that she's doing to you. Because I was young and stupid, I took her back twice. The last time i thought I was just doing it to get her back and be able to say I had a gf, but I ended up falling in love with her agian. Then, she dumped me after 5 months and was with a new guy a week later. I was so mad that I pretty much didn't talk to anyone for days. I eventually got over it and met a great girrl, my last ex, but we broke up mutually. The point is, stop letting her play with you and move on. Letting her back into your life will only set you up for more hurt. You'll find another girrl and wonder what you were thinking when you were wanting to take this one back. I'm just speaking from personal experience on this one, but think about what I said before you think about taking her back.

Also, I like what xokayxo said, take what she says and think about it. What she told me helped me with my most recent breakup.