The Secrets of a Happy Marriage...

This goes along with Oz's thread: It starts..

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!". So I bought her an electric chair.

Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".... I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want

Nice lil piece of stand-up. :lol: :lol: :lol:

:spit::spit::spit:

"I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always."
:rofl:

LOL! Loving it.

Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.


gotta love that

Consistently funny,Tonio :lol:

heard most of it before but it is always nice to get a refresher

:lol::lol:

:lol2: those are great
but arent some quote of rodney dangerfield??? :sly:

:lol: :lol2: Touche.

Welcome to my world.

Funny :lol:













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so thats why man invented boooze

Had to smirk at those. Good, though..

Ha. He has it EASY compared to my wife.

I can't wait for Marriage: Stage 2.

i wish I knew who the author of these were so I could send him 20 dollars!!:lol:

i wish I knew who the author of these were so I could send him 20 dollars!!:lol:

I'll claim authorship!

Yeah, thats the ticket. I wrote that right around the time I married Cameron Diaz, yeah. (This reference will be to old for 90% of you. Who can guess the comedian/tv show/character this is imitating?)

Do I get a guess? :lol: